I want to make a difference...

Lately I have had this overwhelming feeling of blah. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I am beginning to wonder..."Am I making a difference?" I read so many blogs by pastor's wives and they are speaking and encouraging other women. I am so uplifted by them, but then I wonder..."What am I doing?". Am I merely existing? If I'm being completely honest, there are times that i feel so much pressure as a "Pastor's wife". It's weird for me to even say that phrase. That phrase holds so much responsibility.
I know there are times that I put the pressure on myself. I constantly feel like I'm being watched, that my every word is being recorded and that how I react can cause a chain reaction. WOW. Just writing all of that makes me nervous. I am NOT perfect, nor do I claim to be. There HAVE been times when I say something I shouldn't and yes, I'm sure my facial responses have been less than "politically correct" in certain situations.
Maybe, just maybe I am making a difference regardless of these things. ??? I am really trying to let my guard down and connect with our teens, other couples and members of my church. I don't think I've ever NOT been myself, but maybe I have just displayed a more "reserved Julie".
Maybe, just maybe, me being open about my feelings on this blog are making a difference. ??? I am pretty transparent on here. I've talked about what others are afraid to talk about. I figure, if I'm going through something, surely there are others out there feeling the same way. It's funny. I find myself able to be more open in written words than spoken. Hmmm....
I want to make a difference. I want God to use me. I want to be a vessel for Him. I pray my flesh won't get in the way and that I will seek Him with wreckless abandonment to fulfill the call HE has placed on my life.