Humble Pie

Have you ever had to eat a slice or even a whole humble pie? Well I have, many times in my little short life. Just recently my husband, being the awesome youth pastor that he is, felt called to talk about Grace and Forgiveness. I thought it was such a great series especially since it’s such a HUGE concept. I mean really, can we fully grasp Grace? Justin defined it as “Unmerited Favor”. WOW. I’m so thankful for God’s grace in my life. Just like the song says, “If not for Grace where would I be?...” So during his series we broke out one week into c-groups (connection groups) as I began to talk to my group about Forgiveness, more specifically, asking them if there was anyone they needed to forgive, I began to self-examine. I realized that there was someone in my life that I needed to forgive. Yikes. My spirit began to sink. How could I encourage these teens to forgive those who possibly hurt them, when I hadn’t done that very thing!?! So then the conviction set in. (Don’t cha just love that feeling?) I knew I had to do it and had to do it right then. I found the person who had hurt me 5 years ago. That’s right 5 years I had hung on to the hurt and pain. A bitterness had formed in me. I had known for quite some time that I needed to get this off my chest but continued to repress it, because, you see, I HATE confrontation. I don’t think you will meet a less confrontational person. I just want everyone to get along and for flowers and sunshine in my life. So I prayed for courage and humility and approached this person with tears and trembling asking for THEIR forgiveness. You see it was them that needed to forgive me. Yes, I felt that they had hurt me, but it was me that held the bitterness and resentment towards them in my heart. This person was shocked that I was hurt at this circumstance that took place 5 years ago and come to find out it was just a huge misunderstanding. They asked for forgiveness as well and we hugged it out. *SIGH* What a relief to get that off my chest. It was like instant FREEDOM. If I began to tell you all the things God has begun to do in me since that night you would be in shock. I truly feel that it was holding me back. In so MANY ways! Have you ever had a freeing moment in your life? I’d love to hear them! Ephesians 31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

Update

So it's been forever since I have blogged. I have a few drafts that Ive been working on, but until I'm done with them, i thought I'd give you an update on the business of our lives.

you know i thought life was supposed to slow down after the holidays and new year were over. NOT SO. It has been NON-stop for us. Tons of youth events, possible home renovations, Judah's 2nd birthday (hard to believe), Photography business, the list goes on and on and on!! Thing is I like it busy. I may complain about it, but i wouldn't have it any other way. I like our fast paced life.

Judah is now 2. WHAT? Seriously where does the time go? I have lots more pictures to post so, you'll just have to settle for this one right now. This is Judah on his actual birthday with his birthday balloon. We kept it pretty low key this year. I decided we would have a big birthday bash every other year for him until he's 5 and then we'll figure something else out. Those parties are a lot of work, a lot of money and let's face it, he doesn't need more toys! I made mini Mikey Mouse cupcakes and took them to his school. They were devoured before we could even sing "Happy Birthday". lol. Then Justin and I took him to the Central Florida Zoo. It was perfect for him. The zoo is not too big and we were done by nap time. OH and they have a miniature train, which Judah just LOVED riding. It was a fun family day.

That night we took him to T-REX restaurant at Downtown Disney to meet up with Justin's family (from Tampa) and some of our close friends. He was a little scared of the animated T-Rex.

A week or two later we heard that the Ringling Bros. Circus was coming, so we ended up taking Judah with a few of our very best friends. It was fun. You're never too old for the circus. (Boys and girls of all ages, right?) He sat through most of it with no problem. Next year i think he will like it better, but the Elephants were by FAR his favorite.

Judah is such a trip right now. He's talking up a storm. Singing ALL the time and just full of personality. He's talking in FULL sentences with up to 6 words in them. His newest favorite statement is "Not Yet Mommy" or "Just a minute" (while holding up his little finger.

He can count to 13.

His repertoire of songs are:

Jesus Loves Me

The Itsy bitsy Spider

Row, Row, Row your boat

Take me out to the ball game

Twinkle, Twinkle

A, B, C's

Jesus Loves the Little Children

I'm know there's more, I just can't think of them right now.

Don't get me wrong, the tantrums are in full effect, but for the most part he's a good kid. I love being a mom and honestly would love to have another one. Yeah it's hard work, but I love him more than i could have ever imagined.

Oh and my kisses make everything "all better". Love it.

Justin's Photography business is going well. He's staying busy (as if youth ministry wasn't busy enough, right? lol) We are grateful for the potential to make extra money and he's just so darn talented. I mean seriously he's so good. He does it all. He leads worship, he's a youth Pastor, he edits videos, he's a photographer, he's a handyman, daddy, husband, counselor, SUPERMAN. Seriously.

Our church is awesome and we still LOVE being here...6 years later!! Honestly, we love our church, church family, church vision and Pastor. We are so blessed to be here and God is doing awesome things here. It has been an incredible year with lots of milestone events already!!

Are you bored yet? Next time i promise I will have more pictures. But I'll leave you with this "Wounded warrior" picture. Notice the bruise on the right side of his forehead. Poor little dude.

2011 - Faith for the Unknown

Well Happy New Year. I'm not sure who still reads this blog, but my blog, I've found has given me an outlet to SO many inspirational blogs. Blogs about Design and blogs about "Preacher's Wives." People who I don't know but feel somehow connected to. Weird.

With this year, I have a lot going through my mind.

First of all I'm back to work, Full - FULL time. For the first year of Judah's life I was blessed enough to stay home with him every Wednesday, careful to keep my hours at 30 per week which is still considered full time since I am the insurance provider for our family. It was bliss. Then this past year I thoroughly enjoyed working 7 hour days. Coming in at 8:30 and leaving at 4:00 to pick up my favorite little boy. Well with the ringing in of 2011, came the ringing reality. Back to 40 hours a week. I have had a very hard time with this. I know it's better for us financially and that is very important, but selfishly want my 5 hours of extra time back. You may think 5 hours a week isn't that big a deal...well for this momma it was HUGE. I got to spend time with my little man in the mornings before work. (Now I don't see him at all) I got to pick him up early from preschool (not to mention avoiding all the traffic of the normal 8 to 5ers out there) which gave me one on one time with the cutest kid around before Daddy got home from work. Also, the extra time helped with the flexibility of time off. If i had a Dr. apt, i could easily make it up one day by working an 8 hour day instead of using sick time. I could go on and on.

Back to Reality.

I'm now 40 hours a week. Happy to have a job. Happy to have a job with a great boss. Happy to have had the 2 years of a more relaxed work schedule. Happy to have a husband who has been very understanding. Change is hard, but we...I will all adjust.

With the new year also comes sometimes a "Fear of the Unknown". I struggle (always have) with worry. I worry about stupid things. I worry about the future. I worry about germs. I worry about money. These are all things I can't control. I have to say I'm excited for a new year, a new start and a fresh calendar with what I'm sure will hold exciting events and scary mountains to climb. It's the mountains I'm fearful of. Thank GOD, what lies ahead for 2011 is not a surprise or a shock to HIM. He knows what our future holds, what mountains are there, and is there with me to climb the hardest mountains. His truth will remain in spite of my worry. His love will remain in spite of my doubt. Thank God for His provision. I am praying that I will have "Faith for the Unknown" in 2011.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NCV) "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control."

Old Soul

I'm not sure if I've ever blogged about this before, but I have come to the conclusion that I am just an old soul. Here are my reasons why:
1. I truly enjoy being around people older than me, as a matter of fact, people twice my age. I have always been this way since I was very young. Maybe it has something to do with being the baby of the family and always having older people around me. I feel I gain so much wisdom around those that are older than me and generally just enjoy their company.
2. I am not a big thrill seeker. My husband on the other hand is what i call "wild". He loves a thrill and will ride any roller coaster at anytime. I however do NOT ride roller coasters, nor do i enjoy the thrill of a scary story, movie or anything that will cause me anxiety. Justin is young at heart and will always be. (I guess that's why we are such a good match!)
3. I am not very fashion forward. I am more of a classy attire wear-er. I have my few chosen "trendy" shirts, but for the most part, when i can shop, i shop for an outfit that will last through the trends that come and go. I am still wearing outfits from College (over 5 years ago).
4. I am not a night owl. Justin calls me "grandma". I can, and sometimes do, fall asleep before 10. Essentially i start shutting down around 10 pm on a regular basis. (hey, I'm a busy, working mom, wife and volunteer, so shoot me!)
5. I am old fashioned with manners and morals. I believe in saying "yes ma'am" and "no sir". I believe in spanking. I believe in honoring your father and mother and opening the door for ladies. I mean really, are these SO old fashioned? Spare the rod, spoil the child...right?
6. For the most part, i prefer to stay home rather than go out. Don't get me wrong, an occasional date night out is lovely, rare, but lovely. But, majority of the time, I would much rather be in my pj's and on my couch cuddled with my honey watching a chick flick.
7. I love the old movies. You know, the ones that come on the "American Movie Classics" channel. I love them.

That's all i can think of right now. Maybe I'm just boring and not an old soul at all. HA!

Winter Furnace-land

I wasn't quite sure what to blog about today, so I opted to vent about how much it does NOT feel like Christmas here in furnace-land.

I sit here with a sleeveless shirt, skirt with no tights and am burning up. It's going to be a high of 86 degrees. Tomorrow will be December 1st and I swear you would think it's going to be September 1st.

*Sigh*

I have never been in a REAL winter wonderland for the holidays, but at least in Tennessee and Georgia it was "sweater weather" or "light coat" weather. This hotness really makes things like decorating for Christmas feel very strange and early...maybe that's why our lights are not on our house yet...hmmm.

Well, I'm sure that the onset of Holiday parties will begin to put me in the mood since i practically missed Thanksgiving due to being sick. I mean really, who gets a stomach bug on Thanksgiving. MISERABLE. Anywho...Parties...I am looking forward to seeing more lights and trees and hearing more Christmas music and dressing up for some parties. I enjoy an excuse to get my "holiday cute" on and to sit around with people I enjoy being around and eating...eating lots.

We did decorate our Christmas tree on Sunday night, which our friends have affectionately named, "anorexic" because it's so chic and skinny. (What can i say, we have a small house, besides, i like our anorexic tree!) This time, we got Judah to help us. He loved it! Mommy unwrapped the ornaments and gave them to Judah and Judah gave to Daddy to hang on the tree. We let him hang a few too. It was GREAT fun! This Christmas is going to be so much fun. I am really looking forward to him discovering all the wonder that Christmas holds.

Everyone keeps asking us what we are going to do with Christmas and Judah. It seems that there are so many alternatives depending on what you want to reveal to your kids. Most importantly we are going to share the real meaning of Christmas with Christ at the center of all that we do. Yes, we are doing SANTA, but not going overboard with it. Honestly, he doesn't have a clue who he is. I kept pointing him out when looking at the ornaments and all he said was "Snowman". LOL. Growing up my family didn't celebrate Santa, but Justin's did. WE want Judah to experience it. We have decided that Judah will only get 3 gifts for Christmas from us. We figure that Jesus the new born King got 3 and it was a-plenty! We also think it will help keep things under control as the years go by. I know the grandparents will overwhelm him with gifts, so trust me, he will not be lacking in the gift arena. Not to mention, his birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas. In the future i would like us to implement "The Jesse Tree". We celebrate Advent at our church and this is a way to bring it to our home and make it a visual thing. Our neighbor introduced me to it. (http://www.crivoice.org/jesse.html) I'm not sure what other traditions we will include. I would love to hear what you and your families do. I want it to be a tradition filled time of year for us.

I want to make a difference...

Lately I have had this overwhelming feeling of blah. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I am beginning to wonder..."Am I making a difference?" I read so many blogs by pastor's wives and they are speaking and encouraging other women. I am so uplifted by them, but then I wonder..."What am I doing?". Am I merely existing? If I'm being completely honest, there are times that i feel so much pressure as a "Pastor's wife". It's weird for me to even say that phrase. That phrase holds so much responsibility.
I know there are times that I put the pressure on myself. I constantly feel like I'm being watched, that my every word is being recorded and that how I react can cause a chain reaction. WOW. Just writing all of that makes me nervous. I am NOT perfect, nor do I claim to be. There HAVE been times when I say something I shouldn't and yes, I'm sure my facial responses have been less than "politically correct" in certain situations.
Maybe, just maybe I am making a difference regardless of these things. ??? I am really trying to let my guard down and connect with our teens, other couples and members of my church. I don't think I've ever NOT been myself, but maybe I have just displayed a more "reserved Julie".
Maybe, just maybe, me being open about my feelings on this blog are making a difference. ??? I am pretty transparent on here. I've talked about what others are afraid to talk about. I figure, if I'm going through something, surely there are others out there feeling the same way. It's funny. I find myself able to be more open in written words than spoken. Hmmm....
I want to make a difference. I want God to use me. I want to be a vessel for Him. I pray my flesh won't get in the way and that I will seek Him with wreckless abandonment to fulfill the call HE has placed on my life.

Builder or Destroyer?

Recently I have really been trying to work on my attitude. I have never been one for conflict, but have found myself resenting my duties around the house. Always having to cook, (I very much dislike cooking), do laundry, load and unload the dishwasher. I wouldn't be able to sit down and relax after a long day at work with my husband until all the "necessary" house work was done. At times I would get bitter about it. I would think to myself, "Why do I always have to do the dishes, why am I always the one to cook, why when I wash and fold the clothes can't they be put away, do I have to do everything???" I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that feels this way. (I hope.)

Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

Wow. I am single-handedly responsible for building up my home or tearing it down. The choice is mine: to be a part of the divine design or the devil's demolition. My son doesn't make me loose my temper, my husband doesn't cause me to feel exasperated. Proverbs is pretty clear. The choice is MINE.

Wow. That's heavy. And to think for years where women have fought for equal rights, we've missed the enormous amount of power that we have held since Eve was created: the power to build a home. You hear of these women who climb the corporate ladder and invest in businesses to make more money, but what about investing in our home? What about investing in life long marriages and raising Godly children. The Bible says that is a wise woman!

In Matthew 12:34 it says that out of the mouth the heart speaks. We use our mouths daily for expression and the source of our mouths and what we say is our heart. We (I) must be careful what I allow to linger there. I must think on the positive. For example what did Judah do new today and about how bright his future is... instead of how much he disobeyed me or threw a tantrum. I must think about my husband and how thankful I am for all of his hard work to provide for our family, how grateful I am for his companionship instead of other negative things that seem to jump in front of the positive. It's time for a heart overhaul in my life. It's time I started to dwell on the good that is under my roof and to build a home instead of tear it down.

My prayer is that I will open my eyes and shut my mouth when my actions are leaning towards destruction. I pray I choose inspiration instead of irritation. I pray I take the opportunity I've been given to be a wise builder wife and mother instead of a foolish destroyer.